


Visits

by JanewayDroideka



Series: Redemption [1]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Canon-compliant to end of R1, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14394762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanewayDroideka/pseuds/JanewayDroideka
Summary: Officially, Princess Euphemia, the massacre princess, was dead. In reality, her life had barely been saved. But now she was a secret prisoner of the empire, a slave of geass - and still the most important person in Suzaku Kururugi's life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a one-shot. It didn't stay like that. Please, enjoy - and tell me what I can do better.

            “Euphy, the special zone is… a great success!” Suzaku said, trying to ignore the tears stinging his eyes. “The Japanese people were given back their home. And, you did it,” he added. He tried to ignore the gunshots petering out that he could still vaguely hear outside.

            “Oh, thank God,” Euphy said. She was looking at him, but her eyes were blank, their radiance gone. Her eyes started closing and then her head drooped onto its side, her hand curling around Suzaku’s for one last time.

            And yet… it didn’t lose its strength. “Is she asleep now?”

            Suzaku glanced up to see the head doctor who’d been working on her, a black man from the homeland’s South called Max Eberhardt. “Asleep?” Suzaku said, barely able to process the statement as hope began flooding him.

            “Asleep,” Eberhardt said. “I bet if I hadn’t been here, she’d be dead, but as it is she’ll be fine. Just some temporary blindness from her injury.” He smiled and said, “and when she wakes up she’ll be able to answer for her actions.”

            The hope extinguished. “What… does that mean?” Suzaku said.

            “Well, murdering so many imperial subjects will look quite bad,” Eberhardt replied. He shrugged and said, “it’s not up to me. She’s still my patient. Once that’s done, though, Prince Schneizel will have her arrested. A guard’s to be posted.” He walked to the base of Euphy’s bed and made a note on a clipboard. “Good thing I delayed my vacation a week,” he said, more so to himself than anyone else. 

            He left, and Suzaku was left to sit there and consider what had happened. He’d watched Zero shoot her. He’d brought her up here to be saved, and she had been. But how would she react when she found out all the awful things she’d done? How could she have? It wasn’t natural…

            The door opened again, and Suzaku turned to see not Dr. Eberhardt but a young-looking boy. The boy’s eyes fell on Euphy and then turned to Suzaku. “Do you want to know what happened?” the boy said.

* * *

             As the new Knight of Seven, Suzaku could get a few requests through. One of them, and the one that, in a way, hurt him the most, was arranging to have Euphy transferred into prison immediately, even though she was still comatose. Dr. Eberhardt and his assistant Dr. Westinghouse, a woman from Florida, were assigned to her medical care. They had strict orders to inform Schneizel of when she woke up… and an informal arrangement to let Suzaku know too. 

            He got his first call a month into his new position. Schneizel figured out very quickly why Suzaku wanted to return to the homeland and told him that what was more important was winning the fight in the EU right now. Begrudgingly, Suzaku returned to the fray, and tried to perform his duties assisting Julius (the brainwashed would-be murderer of Euphy). It was very difficult for him to focus, especially after he received a second call that told him that she’d slipped back into her coma.

             Eventually, Julius had to be brought back for more… _treatment_ and was shipped back to Japan. Suzaku, meanwhile, got to visit Euphy’s prison. He had to go at night, as officially Euphy was dead, shot by the army and posthumously removed from the line of succession. Her prison was a villa, a nice one officially owned by Schneizel, with a few guards informed on the situation, a habitation area for the medical staff and guards, and a section of the villa walled off for Euphy. It was a nice prison, but the fact was that she couldn’t go outside, besides an inner well; she had a limited library; and she would be allowed no access to news at all.

            He got to visit with her. She was still out, dressed in a hospital gown. She had lost a lot of weight, because her muscles were wasting away. Her skin was pallid, and her hair had lost its luster. If it weren’t for the machines beeping away or the very slight rise and fall of her chest, Suzaku would think she had just died here in Pendragon instead of over Japan.

            He sat down next to her in a simple wooden chair and took her hand. It was cold. And he sat there, for an hour, contemplating everything that had happened since he last saw her on the _Avalon_. “You’re like a mourning husband,” Dr. Eberhardt noted when he came in at the end of that hour.

            “I was supposed to protect her,” Suzaku replied, “and she almost died.”

            Eberhardt nodded and walked over to her closet. “Are you still her knight?” he said, opening the door and then pulling a bulky-looking machine down.

            “No. Not only is she officially dead, but… a criminal royal can’t have a personal knight,” Suzaku said, adding the second half quietly. He thought back to what VV had told him and his own, passionate hatred towards Zero – and disbelief towards Lelouch. “That’s… how it should be.” 

            “I see,” Eberhardt said. He moved the machine to her other side and set her arm up in it. “We need to exercise her muscles and begin routine cleaning soon,” Eberhardt said, and added, “Dr. Westinghouse will handle the latter, of course.” He pressed a button and her arm started being exercised. “We’ve done what we can to try and maintain her muscle mass, but the fact is she’s still eating through a tube.”

            “Is there anything I can do to help?” Suzaku said.

            “Get a medical degree, spend the rest of your life tending to her?” Eberhardt said, making an adjustment to her arm. 

            “I’d do it,” Suzaku said.

            Eberhardt looked up. He looked surprised. “That was just a joke, Sir Kururugi,” Eberhardt said.

            “Well, it’s not a joke to me,” Suzaku said flatly.

            “…you’re very dedicated,” Eberhardt said. “I would say young love, but… I don’t know if that’s entirely it.”

            “I already told you I failed to protect her,” Suzaku said coldly.

            Eberhardt leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “The youngest age for legally joining the army is 17. A lot of people fake it,” Eberhardt replied. “Propaganda works too well out here, I guess. And we use mixed sex units quite often.” He sighed and said, “I’ve seen countless young couples where one of them fell in combat. I’ve heard those words more times than I care to count.”

            “Are you saying I’m special for saying I’d spend the rest of my life taking care of Euphy?” Suzaku said testily. He didn’t want any sympathy from Eberhardt.

             But Eberhardt shook his head. “If you actually did it, then you’d be special.” He looked Suzaku in the eyes and said, “it’s hard to take care of a vegetable or a cripple. You’re lucky. As far as I know, once she wakes up for good, she’ll never recover her strength. Her whole life she’ll likely be physically weaker.”

             Suzaku got up, not wanting to think about what Eberhardt was saying. He could hear the implication: you’ll leave her like the others. He clenched his fist. “I’m responsible for her condition. I’ll stay by her as long as she wants me there,” Suzaku snapped.

             “I wish you the best, then,” Eberhardt replied. “And I hope you _don’t_ turn out like the others.” Suzaku began walking out of the room as Eberhardt added, sadly, “and not just for her sake.”

* * *

             It was a couple weeks later when he received another call, this time from Dr. Westinghouse. “Um, Sir Kururugi, the princess woke up,” she said. She sounded… nervous. “She… wants to see you.”

             “Tell her I’ll be right over,” Suzaku said.

             He thanked God that he was still near Pendragon. Schneizel merely nodded when Suzaku rushed out. Hopefully, he would understand how important this was to him. To them. He broke into a run towards the villa as he neared it, not caring if anyone saw him. His check-over by the guards went by in a flash; soon, he was bounding through the building towards Euphy’s room. “Euphy!” he yelled, “my lady! Please, stay awake!”

             “You don’t need to worry about that,” Eberhardt said. He was standing next to her door and nodded to the room. “She’s definitely awake.”

             “I’m so glad that she is,” Suzaku said. “She…”

             “Yeah, I know, she means everything to you,” Eberhardt said. He smiled and said, “I’ve dealt with a lot of royals and their knights.”

             The door opened, and Dr. Westinghouse appeared. “Ah, Sir Kururugi,” she said, “you need-“

             But Suzaku quickly brushed by her so he could kneel at Euphy’s bedside. “My lady, I heard you called for me,” he said, taking her hand.

             “Yes,” Euphy said. Her voice was weak. “You’re Japanese, right?”

             “Um, yes,” Suzaku said.

             “Ok,” Euphy said. “I’m glad.”

             “Um, yes, my lady,” Suzaku said, his heart sinking. Either he told her what she did in Japan… or keep lying to her. “I… am very grateful for what you did for the Japanese.”

             “I am too,” Euphy said. “I think they’re all happier now.”

             “Yes, we are,” Suzaku said. Although he was still kneeling, he could feel himself starting to tremble. When he had lied to her on the _Avalon_ , he’d thought she was dying. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell her what had happened.

             “I’m glad,” Euphy said. Suzaku finally stood up and, still holding her hand, took his seat next to her. She was staring at the ceiling. “I can’t see,” Euphy said. “Is that normal?”

             “No, my lady,” Suzaku said, “but Dr. Eberhardt told me you’ll be able to see normally again.”

             “Oh,” Euphy said.

             Suzaku looked over at the doctors – specifically, at Dr. Westinghouse, who looked very wary. Suzaku looked back at Euphy and thought about why that might be. “My lady,” Suzaku said, “I… you’ll be staying here for now.”

             “Why?”

             “Well, there was… Zero tried to ruin your zone, after you… fell asleep,” Suzaku said. “Some terrible things happened, and you… got blamed.”

             “But… it was me,” Euphy said, with a hint of cheerfulness in her voice.

             Suzaku felt a chill go up his spine. “Do you… remember, my lady?” Suzaku said.

             “Yes, I remember everything,” Euphy said. “Suzaku… you’re my knight, right? You’ll do anything I say?”

             “Yes, of course.”

             “Anything?”

             “Yes.”

             “Ok.” Euphy turned her head, so she could look in his direction – though her eyes didn’t focus on them. Suzaku saw with horror that her eyes had that same red tinge to them that had dissipated shortly before she had fallen into her coma. “Then please,” Euphy said, a growing smile on her face, “I can’t do anything here. But I need to kill the Japanese. So please, will you kill yourself?” 

             Suzaku felt the tears on his face very quickly. “Euphy…” he whispered, “please, don’t go back to that. You’re not that…”

             “I must,” Euphy said, “I must kill them all.”

             “No,” Suzaku said. He squeezed her hand and said, “Euphy, that’s not you. You fell in love with me. With someone Japanese! Do you-“

             “I-“ Euphy started saying, and then the red fringe dissipated and tears began forming. “I… I fell in love… with a Japanese man… and… the Japanese people,” she said in short, stunted words. “Please, Suzaku, don’t blame Zero,” she added pleadingly, her pathetic-sounding voice stabbing Suzaku’s heart, “he didn’t want this…”

             Suzaku thought back to Lelouch and his desperate babbling on the island. “Don’t worry about Zero,” Suzaku said. “He’s still… alive.”

             “I hope you can forgive him,” Euphy said. She slowly looked up again. “That they can forgive me.”

             She stared at the ceiling for a few more minutes, while Suzaku clung to her hand tightly. “I’ll keep coming until you get better, Euphy,” Suzaku said. “If you have to spend your whole life in this prison, then I’ll spend it here with you.”

             “…thank you,” Euphy said. Her eyes closed. Suzaku stayed by her side until it was clear she’d fallen asleep.

             “She was very restrained,” Dr. Westinghouse said once they were both out of the room.

             “When she woke up, she asked us to kill any Japanese servants here,” Eberhardt said. “Then she started calling for you. Because…”

             “I’m Japanese,” Suzaku said bitterly.

             “But whatever was going on, she seemed to fight it off,” Westinghouse said. “That’s a good sign!”

             “But she’ll probably go back to wanting to kill me when she wakes up,” Suzaku said.

             “This… isn’t the last time we’ll see you, is it?” Westinghouse said.

             Suzaku shook his head. “I don’t care if she tries to kill me every time,” he said. “Keep me informed.”

             “Yes, my lord,” the doctors said.

* * *

            Euphemia was thinking about Zero the day she got her sight back.

            It was an odd sensation, seeing again. She had been in and out of bed a few times, but not much. One of the doctors – what was her name, Westinghouse? – would help her with everything now.

            Maybe it was humiliating, to Euphemia, that everything she had once been able to do was now done at the whim of the doctors. But the real humiliation was the Japanese.

            She had a burning need to kill the Japanese. It was like a constant drum in her head, an excruciating pain. Every night, she dreamt of when she still had eyesight, of when she shot that first man, and everything leading up to Zero shooting her.

            And the first day after waking up from this nightmare – the day after that Japanese guy first visited – she threw up. She couldn’t help it. She needed to kill the Japanese. They all had to die. There was no way around that. But she didn’t like it.

            So she would make herself like it.

            Anyways, the first thing she saw was Westinghouse. She cried when she was able to see for the first time. “Congratulations!” Westinghouse had told her, “we should do something to celebrate this.”

            “Maybe we can visit Japan,” Euphemia said.

             _I can apologize_ , a stray thought said.

             _Kill,_ came a different one.

            “I don’t think that would be wise,” Westinghouse replied. In the near darkness, Euphemia couldn’t see Westinghouse’s expression. Maybe she disproved.

            “OK,” Euphemia said. “What now?”

            “Now, we keep working on getting your physical strength back,” Westinghouse replied. Euphemia felt a warm hand on her own. “Don’t worry, princess, we’ll work things through. We’re here for you.”

            “…thank you.”

* * *

            Suzaku visited Euphy many more times over the coming few months. She was now in physical therapy with the two doctors. Gone were her formal dresses and well-done hair. Now she wore loose-fitting clothes. Her hair was almost always left undone. Dr. Westinghouse told him it was a triumph for her if she could shower by herself. Whenever Suzaku saw her skin, he could see that she had lost enough muscle mass that he could see outlines of some of her bones. One time he saw her with just her bra on and he could see her rib cage outlined under her skin.

            Even besides all that, Euphy’s skin was very pale, and her eyes and hair had lost their luster. Dr. Eberhardt told him that her eyes normally had the reddish fringe that he couldn’t explain but had been told by Schneizel to ignore; at the very least, her red-fringed eyes kept Suzaku alert to her numerous attempts to hurt him.

            And unfortunately, that was every time he visited. He’d decided after his visit with her that it was better, for now, to keep her in her genocidal mode, because ‘that’ Euphy didn’t feel any crushing guilt from her actions. The real one… he was afraid she would kill herself over what she was made to do. The only problem was that the genocidal Euphy was not the one he’d fallen in love with.

            He knew her physical beauty would eventually return (or, ok, maybe that was just the hope of his more animalistic side). But her kindness was gone. Any sweet-talking she did to him was always with those same red-tinged eyes, and always as a lead-up to her asking him to kill himself, or to fly her to Japan and so she can start killing people herself. Apparently her geass’d mind was starting to realize that killing Suzaku was pointless. The longer time passed, the less she went after him, but the more she begged him to do something about the Japanese back home.

            The moments when the real Euphy broke through were few and far between. It was almost always as she was about to go to sleep, for just a few seconds. This Euphy was what made everything worth it, and it was the one who Suzaku waited out all his visits to see. She was the only ray of light left in his world, and she was locked up in her own body. Suzaku didn’t see her with full control very often.

            One such day during her physical therapy, he got to spend the whole day with Euphy. The only nice thing about her genocidal self was that, by now, that one acted mostly like normal Euphy around him. He knew it was all an act, but there was still some part of him that enjoyed acting as a knight of his lady – helping her get out of bed in the morning, escorting her to Dr. Westinghouse for physical therapy or for hygiene, making her meals, all things that ordinarily knights would perform in isolated circumstances.

            When he made that observation to Dr. Eberhardt, Eberhardt just arched an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware your usual princess needed physical therapy or being treated like a patient,” he said dryly.

            “This is special,” Suzaku replied.

            Brainwashed Euphy liked the simple dinner Suzaku made for her. She also asked if he would help her escape, but Suzaku shook his head. As soon as she was gone, she would turn on him and go back to Japan. He didn’t want to unleash an unwilling serial killer. Once dinner was done, he let the doctors go for the night. “I can get her in bed,” he told them. They left, and he turned to Euphy. “Hey, Euphy,” Suzaku said, “want to watch a movie?”

            Euphy looked up at him and smiled. “Of course, um, Suzaku,” she said. Her eyes were tinged red. “I’d love to!”

            Suzaku helped her walk to her library, the last of her little prison (the other parts being the kitchen, the bathroom, her bedroom, a hallway, and the interior court). There, a projector had been set up. No news was allowed, so that meant no television access. At least they had some romcoms and documentaries and even a few tragedies. Not that Suzaku wanted to watch that last category. He chose something inoffensive-looking and put it on, and then took a seat next to Euphy. She leaned over on him and draped an arm around his neck. “You know, Euphy,” Suzaku said, “if something happens to me, I don’t know what they’ll do to you. It’s only at my request you get to be here.”

            She withdrew her arm.

            They didn’t say anything as they watched the movie. Suzaku had gotten her a blanket, but she still shivered, so he drew her in close to him. Part of him felt dirty to do that, but that was dissipated by a very weary-sounding, “thank you, Suzaku.”

            He looked down and saw, in the reflected light from the movie, just her normal purple eyes focused forward, an immensely sad look on her face. “Anything for you, my lady,” Suzaku whispered.

            They kept watching in silence, but now Suzaku let himself enjoy her warmth and closeness. Even though part of him hated that the real Euphy had emerged, since now she had to focus on her past, the rest of him was grateful that his light had peeked out from behind its clouds.

            They watched to the end of the movie, with the main couple getting together and sharing a train compartment back east. The movie finished and just a blue screen was projected, and before long it shut down. Still Suzaku and Euphy sat in silence. “I want that to be us,” Euphy eventually said. She sounded more tired than he had ever heard her. “I just… want to run away. But even if I could get back to normal, we never could.”

            Suzaku’s heart sank. “And why’s that, my lady?” Suzaku said.

            “I… killed your people,” Euphy said. “I murdered them. Every one of those deaths is blood on my hands. I’ve made it so that if we… if we were ever together, you could never live in Japan.”

            “We’ll just let people know it wasn’t your fault,” Suzaku said. “We’ll let them know how gentle you are, how you could never-“

            “I killed them, Suzaku. I killed them,” Euphy said. She started trembling as she repeated over and over, “I killed them. I killed them. I killed them. I killed them…” 

            Eventually she stopped, but she was still trembling. She was crying now, too. “Euphy, I forgive you,” Suzaku said. Not that he’d ever blamed her anyways. “And if I had to give up Japan to be with you, then that’s ok. But I promise that I will become the Knight of One, and make sure that Japan is how you wanted it to be.”

            “And then?” Euphy said. “I’ll probably still be in prison then.”

            “I’ll have you shipped to Japan, then. We’ll keep you safe there. And we’ll make sure the Japanese are safe from you,” Suzaku replied.

            “Why?”

            “Because I’m your knight first.”

            “But then what?” Euphy said. “What if… what if we get married? If we start a family? _She_ will kill them…”

            The amount of loathing packed into that word, _she_ , stunned Suzaku. But so did Euphy’s other comments. A family… He tightened his hug. “I promise that we’ll find a way to fix you,” Suzaku said, “to make _her_ go away.” Euphy nodded. “And then… if things do work out… then we can talk about a future together.”

            It didn’t take Euphy long to fall asleep, but still the thought of a family was burnt in Suzaku’s mind. He knew they were both young – far too young to consider such things. But he also knew that almost all his emotions were now concentrated on the woman in his arms. The only remaining ones went to Nunnally, who he knew was innocent of her brother’s actions, but who still sadly waited on Lelouch to come. And, of course, he never would. He was back in Japan. Safely not Zero anymore. Safely not a prince anymore.

            And to everyone else he was cold. He had no need for them. He smiled sadly as he considered that honestly speaking, Euphy was his only real option. The only one he would accept, that is. And the other Euphy, the one Lelouch had made… she would kill their children. If not in the womb, then as soon as they were born. All because he was Japanese.

            He shook his head. He was barely 18. Children? No, that had to wait. Not just for Euphy to be herself always again. But to make sure the old Euphy, the evil one, wouldn’t reemerge too. Eventually, he decided to get Euphy to bed. He picked her up, bridal-style, and carried her to her bed. Fortunately, the clothes that she had on now were what she wore to sleep as well. He tucked her blankets around her bed and prepared to turn on her monitor.

            “Suzaku?”

            Suzaku turned around from being about to turn it on to see Euphy looking at him, her eyes still their normal purple, and a sad look still on her face. “Yes, my lady?” Suzaku said.

            “I want to sleep well tonight,” she said. “When I fall asleep like this, I get nightmares.”

            “Is there something I can do?”

            “Yes,” Euphy said. “Before you turn on the monitor. Please… come closer…”

            And that was the night that Suzaku had his first kiss. He stayed with her until she fell asleep, a smile on her lips, and then he switched the monitor on and left for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

None of the other knights knew about Euphy, except for maybe the Knight of One. Suzaku had never asked him. They also didn't know why some days he was simply unavailable. He always rebuffed them when questioned, and even Gino quickly learned to stop asking where he went. As the Emperor never acknowledged his ailing daughter, anything about her always went through Schneizel.

The day Zero returned, Suzaku didn't know how to feel. That same white-hot hatred he had for Zero bubbled up as usual – hatred of the man who effectively murdered his beloved lady. But Gino seemed to see it all as gossip, Anya didn't care, Luciano Bradley asked Suzaku if he was mad that his girlfriend's killer was back (and earned a punch in the process) and the rest seemed to mark it off as trivial backwaters affairs. Maybe they all bought the official narrative that Euphy was put down by the army and Zero just exploited the chaos.

As reports from Tokyo started coming in, Suzaku paid a trip to the prison-villa. It was red-tinged-eyes Euphy who greeted him, as normal. "Hello, Suzaku," she said cheerfully, "have you come to help me escape?"

"No, Euphy," Suzaku said. "I just came to visit you, that's all."

Suzaku had determined, over the course of his months, that he only got to see the "real Euphy" at night after he'd spent the whole day there. It also seemed like the real Euphy had only hazy recollections of what her other self had done. It was like living in a constant bad dream, according to her. On days like this, he knew he wouldn't get to see the real Euphy – not enough time for her to throw off her Geass – but still he wanted to be there for her as a lifeline.

He was grateful, though, that Euphy had regained her former strength. Dr. Eberhardt told Suzaku that Euphy's days followed an odd, self-set schedule. She worked to get back her strength and restore her old looks. Then she would read about weapons and tactics and chess, of all things. And then she would… sit there in her library and do nothing, for hours on end. When questioned, she would just tell the doctors that because she couldn't kill the Japanese, there was nothing she wanted to do. She didn't care if they turned on the lights or not, and sometimes they would find that she had just fallen asleep in place.

And today he noted that even with him around, things were still the same on that front. After greeting him, she had retreated to the library to read about Napoleon. Then she had put her book down and just sat there, barely moving, staring forward at nothing. "Um, Euphy, are you feeling alright?" Suzaku said, looking up from his own book.

"Suzaku, we should run away," Euphy said. "We can be happy together. I know you'd like that. I know you love me."

Suzaku sighed and closed his book. "I love the normal you," Suzaku said.

"But… I  _am_ the normal Euphemia," Euphy replied, turning her red-tinged eyes towards him. Her voice adopted a hurt tone as she said, "the old one you knew, the one who liked Japanese, she's gone! She was unenlightened."

"She's not gone," Suzaku said. "She's still in you and we're going to find a way to fix her. And then I promise I'll love you with everything I have."

Euphy nodded and turned back towards the door. "Suzaku, did something happen so that you visited me today?" Euphy said.

Suzaku bit his lip. He wasn't supposed to tell her anything. "No, nothing," Suzaku said. "I guess I just needed to… to let off some steam. That's all."

"Oh. Ok."

Euphy went back to staring forward. "What… are you doing?" Suzaku said.

"I want to kill Japanese," Euphy said.

"You're never going to kill a Japanese again, Euphy," Suzaku said.

"Why?"

"Because I'll stop you."

"Oh." Euphy sighed. "But why?"

"Because Euphy wouldn't want to kill Japanese people," Suzaku said.

"But… I'm Euphy," Euphy said.

"No." Suzaku said flatly. He glanced up and saw that Euphy was looking at him, very angrily. He had never seen her angry, that he could think of. Even genocidal Euphy was ordinarily very cheerful. "I'm sorry, but with luck I'd never have to interact with you again."

"Did I not command you to love me?" Euphy said, standing up, her angry look still plastered across her face and her hands on her hips. "Have you forgotten that you are my knight?"

"I was commanded to love the real Euphemia," Suzaku replied, in as measured tone of voice as he could. "I am  _her_ knight. I am not  _your_ knight, because you aren't the real Euphemia. You're a… a  _thing_ made by the geass. By  _Zero_."

Euphy's face twisted into more anger. "That traitor," she said, "he stopped me. He stopped me! I was only doing what he asked! And then… then he shot me."

Suzaku closed his eyes and tried to ignore the familiar sensation of betrayal he felt whenever he thought about – or heard someone mention – what had happened with Euphy. "He betrayed everyone, for his own power," Suzaku said. "But he… he's gone." The image of Zero returned flashed through his mind, but he shook his head and opened his eyes. "He's-"

Euphy had disappeared.

Suzaku looked around the room. She was gone. He crept out towards the kitchen, but still Euphy was gone.

Then he heard the entrance door open and close. Suzaku ran towards there, but he just found Eberhardt. "Did something happen?" Eberhardt said.

"Um, no, just… Euphy disappeared. I got into an argument with her," Suzaku said.

"I don't suggest arguing with her. She's completely unreasonable," Eberhardt said. "In any case, proceed slowly. She's dangerous."

They began searching the villa. With only four rooms to check, Suzaku knew it wouldn't be long. She had no way of escaping. Some part of him just hoped that she had run to her room to cry, but he also knew that the Geass'd Euphy didn't give a damn about him. He was never anything besides a means to an end.

He heard someone running. "She's got a book, she's trying to kill you!" Eberhardt said, going for something in his pocket.

Suzaku turned to face a furious-looking Euphy, running at him with her heavy Napoleon book held up. He prepared to disarm-

_Live_

The next thing he knew, Euphy was on the floor. She was out cold. Her book was on the floor next to her. Trembling, Suzaku sank next to her and felt her pulse. She was still alive.

"You stopped her," Eberhardt said, "good. I didn't want to use a tranq on her." He knelt down beside her and said, "but you didn't have to use so much force. She shouldn't have any head trauma, but…"

He watched as Eberhardt carried Euphy away, back to her room, and then everything from the day came crashing down on him: Zero's return, the argument with Euphy, her attempt to kill him, his attempt to kill her, and all of it because of the curse of geass…

He didn't realize he was sobbing until later.

* * *

Euphemia woke up with a headache. Her body was sore, and especially her arms hurt. She felt her head gingerly. "What… happened?" she said.

She shuddered when she remembered the events of yesterday.

She and the Japanese guy – Suzaku – had gotten into an argument. Suzaku was lying to her, she could tell. Zero wasn't gone, Zero couldn't be gone, and Suzaku was denying he was still there. And Suzaku was lying to her too – lying about loving her, lying about who she was!

_I'm me_ , Euphemia thought as she stood up,  _and she's me. We're Euphemia._

Normally, she controlled herself around Suzaku. Killing him was pointless, and the mere thought of killing him was so bad, so churned her stomach and made her heart hurt, that she couldn't – wouldn't – follow the geass if she could help it.

Until yesterday.

When he had lied, and she snapped, and… and…

Euphemia hated crying. She did it anyways.

Euphemia waited the next several days for Suzaku to come back. She only had three friends anymore, but the one she'd hurt was the one who wasn't coming back. She begged Westinghouse and Eberhardt to call him. They said they would try. But he still hadn't come back.

She started getting sick about a week later. "It's probably a cold one of us tracked in," Eberhardt told her, "we'll get you some medicine and you'll be ok."

She wasn't ok.

Every day, the guilt gnawed on her. The guilt of trying to kill Suzaku, yes, but also the guilt from the massacre. She still needed to kill the Japanese. She still needed to make sure each one was snuffed out like an insect. And she could see the faces of men, women, and children who had trusted in her and Suzaku, in the faces of infants who'd been brought to see a new nation born and been killed instead, the faces of the leaders who'd put their reputations on the line and wound up riddled with bullets-

The doctors probably thought she was throwing up because of her cold.

Another week passed, and the twin drives – geass and guilt – were killing her. She wanted,  _needed_  to kill, and she wanted,  _needed_  to atone. She started eating less and less and began drinking less as well. Since the doctors were giving her soup for her supposed cold, she could just put her soup down the sink. She never felt like eating. It wouldn't help her do either.

Euphemia knew something was seriously wrong when she began shaking at the end of that second week. Westinghouse had taken one look and called Eberhardt, and then had begun forcing Euphemia to hydrate. "This isn't a cold," Westinghouse had muttered to herself, and then said, "alright, princess, let's get you to the kitchen."

Euphemia's eyesight went white and her hearing went tinny. She felt herself collapse. When she came to, her forehead was scraped and she was curled up on the floor. "Her blood pressure just gave out," Eberhardt said, "what is it?"

Euphemia felt a prick. "I'll check," Westinghouse said, and she ran out.

"Princess, what's up," Eberhardt said, "c'mon, you can trust me."

She felt his hand touch her forehead, and her eyesight started slowly returning. But her vision flashed through the massacre – through her quiet times with Suzaku and Cornelia, through her meetings with Zero or Lelouch, through her reunification with Nunnally, through the massacre – and then she was panting, still covered in sweat, still unable to move. "I don't want to eat," Euphemia muttered, "it won't help me. It won't help me kill them. It won't help me atone."

"You can't atone if you're dead, princess," Eberhardt said.

Euphemia heard footsteps. "Her blood sugar levels are dangerously low," Westinghouse said, "here, Max."

"What do you need, Euphemia?" Eberhardt said gently, and then Euphemia heard him whisper, "get an IV." Westinghouse walked away again.

"I… I want Suzaku," Euphemia said, "I want to apologize. He makes me feel normal."

"You sure you need this?" Eberhardt said, "you're not a child, Princess."

"No…" Euphemia said, "but he's my only victim I can say sorry to."

Eberhardt took his hand away from her head. "Understood," Eberhardt said. He picked Euphemia up and carried her over to her bed. "We'll get him here. I swear we will."

Euphemia smiled as she slipped into sleep.

* * *

To Suzaku, Euphy was dead. There was no way around that.

In order to see the "real" Euphy, he had to spend all day with the fake one. But the fake one had realized that he was just going to try and stop her from committing genocide, and so she would try and kill him. And then his  _live_ curse would activate, and he would kill her.

Lelouch's bullet had never been the thing that killed Euphy. It was his command. As soon as he gave it to her, he killed her.

This anger filled Suzaku every time he thought about Lelouch. He left Pendragon behind without saying goodbye to Euphy and officially reenrolled in Ashford Academy. He couldn't determine whether Lelouch was Zero again or not. His surefire way to check, having Nunnally talk to him, had produced nothing. He acted like he didn't know her. And Nunnally was very confused why her brother didn't recognize her.

But Suzaku didn't care about the pain he was inflicting on Nunnally. She was a bystander, but he needed to expose Lelouch. The fact was, he couldn't imagine anyone else was Zero. He had always thought that Lelouch had actually cared for Nunnally, that maybe at least for her he would show some affection. But he also thought that Lelouch cared for him, Suzaku. He thought he cared about Euphy. He knew the real reason for the SAZ. She had told him. It was so they could be happy together again.

And what had he done? Used them all like tools.

So Suzaku would use them back.

Nunnally was coming to Japan as the new viceroy. Schneizel wanted to make sure that Suzaku could keep an eye on her and he would be assigned to Japan (especially as anti-Zero) for the time being. Everyone knew that Zero would likely attack her. Perhaps Nunnally's blindness would prove a blessing now, since Zero couldn't turn her into a weapon like he did to Euphy.

And then he got a phone call from Dr. Westinghouse. "Hello, Sir Kururugi," she said, sounding a little distressed, "sorry to bother you now."

"I'm very busy with the viceroy coming," Suzaku replied.

"I know, it's just that… we have a situation…"

And then she explained the state of Euphy's health. "That doesn't make any sense," Suzaku said, "I don't get-"

"Whatever you were doing, it was keeping her calm," Westinghouse said. "She- her health has been getting worse and she's stopped eating-"

"That… that's awful," Suzaku said. The mental image of Euphy, sick, was enough to make his heart ache. "But I'm assigned to Japan. There's nothing I can do. She- she can't go there." And he almost added,  _I might try and kill her again_.

"That's true," Westinghouse replied. "We'll keep you updated, but… I hope you find a cure soon."

That night, Suzaku couldn't fall asleep. He wanted to know why Euphy was sicker. If it was something like that she was getting weaker without him, then he had to get her here as soon as possible. If it was something like her simply getting more desperate to fulfill her mission and getting sick because she couldn't, then it was best to keep her far away from Japan.

In the morning, he called Schneizel and asked him to transfer Euphy to Japan. Schneizel agreed and told Suzaku he was now going to be her primary guardian. "In return," Schneizel said, "you owe me a favor. Whatever it might be, you must do."

"Yes, your majesty," Suzaku had replied.

* * *

Nunnally was in place as the new viceroy after some difficulty, and unbeknownst to her (or, for that matter, Britannia or the Black Knights, including Zero) Euphy had been transferred to a new prison villa in the middle of Tokyo, near the shopping district. The whole thing reminded Suzaku of the old Britannian story of Rapunzel, if Rapunzel was normally a psychopath not allowed to look out any exterior windows for fear of her trying to get out and kill people.

Ok, maybe not like Rapunzel at all. Euphy's new home was in the same complex that served as his home (he wasn't about to stay in the dorms now that he was a Knight of the Round) and that meant he would have ample opportunities to visit her. He just hoped that he hadn't erred in having her transferred to Japan.

Her floor had only a few guards, because Suzaku didn't want anyone (Black Knights or Britannians) to figure out who was there. He arrived at her quarters and let himself in. As her new guardian, he had the right. He felt bad about it, though. The doctors weren't in, based on the lack of shoes, which was just as well. It was his day off from school and from any knight duties, and he was going to spend it tending to his main responsibility.

He found Euphy in her new library, sitting perfectly still and watching the wall. She looked a little paler than usual. She glanced up when he came in, and her red-tinged eyes narrowed a little. "You're back," she said.

"Yes," Suzaku said. "I am."

He sat down and started reading from a new book. "Where am I now?" Euphy said.

"A prison," Suzaku said, "same as before."

"Why did I change?"

"Because your brother transferred you to my control," Suzaku said. "And I decided to get you a new home."

"There's no outdoors here," Euphy said.

"One day, you'll get outdoors again," Suzaku replied.

"I can't see outside."

"You barely could before."

Euphy sighed and began staring forward again. "Sorry for trying to kill you, Suzaku," she said. She sounded insincere to Suzaku. "I guess I got mad."

"That's ok," Suzaku said, "I was very rude to you."

"Yeah! That's not how you treat your princess!" Euphy said.

Suzaku bit back his rebuke. It wouldn't help. "No, it's not," he finally said. He put his book down and looked over at Euphy. She was wearing one of her old outfits, one of the ones she'd used to go out in public in. She had glasses on, but this time it was probably to correct her vision – Eberhardt said it'd gotten worse after her temporary blindness. He glanced at his watch – it had only been 15 minutes.

This was awful.

"Are you hungry, Euphy?" Suzaku said, putting his book down.

"Um, maybe," Euphy said. "I know! I can go get some groceries, while you prepare food!"

"You should have more than enough food," Suzaku replied. He wished she was in her right mind, and that she  _could_ do that. The normal Euphy had helped him a lot with cooking in the past. Cornelia had gotten annoyed at the frequency of their "cooking dates" as she snidely referred to them. And now, Suzaku wished nothing more than for something like that. Especially since genocidal Euphy's single-minded obsession with killing meant that she was useless for cooking and instead just sat around and did nothing while he cooked.

Euphy got up and left the room, and Suzaku followed her. All of the knives were kept in a specially-locked closet that she didn't have the keys to (the same closet where they stored all cleaning supplies and tools as well), and Suzaku made sure to keep an eye on her the entire time he was cutting. But she just sat at the table and hummed. Geass had basically turned her into a child, and Suzaku felt a familiar stab of hatred for Zero at this sight.

After breakfast, Suzaku struggled to know what to do. If he fell asleep here, she would probably kill him, take his key, and escape. Clearly, normal Euphy didn't have enough power to overpower herself – or, at least, didn't the time with the book. Genocidal Euphy seemed perfectly content to do nothing, and Suzaku was left trying to decide what to do to try and draw the real Euphy out. It had been months since he'd talked to her.

He thought back to the night they kissed. He had treated fake Euphy with kindness the whole day, and eventually her real self had emerged. Since then, he'd treated fake Euphy like she had the plague.

"Hey, Suzaku," Euphy said, looking over at him, "you claim that the old me and the  _me_ me are different people."

"Well, yes," Suzaku said. "The old Euphy wouldn't want to kill Japanese people."

"But I do want to," Euphy said.

"I know  _you_ want to, but I'm saying the  _old_ you wouldn't."

Euphy nodded and looked down. "I have to want to," she said quietly. Suzaku frowned and looked down at his book. 'Have to want to'? She didn't elaborate.

"Hey, Suzaku," Euphy said a few minutes later, looking over at him again, "when I ordered you to love me, did I say that it was only the old me, or the me?"

"What… do you mean?" Suzaku said.

"I mean, what makes me different?" Euphy said.

"You're a maniac, for one," Suzaku said, "and… everything you do is fake. The real you – the one I know you would be without the geass – is a kind and loving person. She's genuine. Maybe she was naïve like I was, but… I love her for it." He sighed and looked at Euphy, who now just looked a little nonplussed.

"But, I am nice," Euphy said. "You can ask the doctors."

"Euphy, you act like a child now," Suzaku said.

"Child?" Euphy said, standing up. "Is that what you think of me?"

"No. I fear that's what you think of yourself," Suzaku said tersely.

Euphy stared at him for a few minutes, increasingly unnerving Suzaku, before she sat down again and started watching the wall again. "Maybe I do," she said.

Suzaku went back to reading his book, but once again his thoughts were dragged to Zero. He wondered if Lelouch really was that Zero. If he was, it would explain his attack on Nunnally. And with the declaration of a new special administrative zone of Japan, Zero was probably panicking. Nunnally couldn't be geass'd to form a new massacre. That was, if this Zero had geass, which Suzaku was sure he had but couldn't prove at all.

"Euphy," Suzaku said, "do you know why Lelouch ordered you to kill the Japanese?"

"Hmm… it was an example," Euphy said, putting a finger to her mouth. "I can't remember very well, though."

An example? "What do you mean?" Suzaku said.

"I don't know," Euphy said, shrugging. "I don't remember much besides that I need to kill the Japanese."

So, he wanted to talk to the real Euphy. He sighed. He  _needed_ to talk to her, but how? Well, there was always the same way she came out last time. "Hey, Euphy," he said, "I'm bored and you haven't done anything for hours. Want to watch something?"

"Sure!" Euphy said. "I want to watch –"

"Nothing with Japanese."

"Oh."

He found another inoffensive romcom and put it on. Now came the hard part – willingly sharing the couch with the creepy, crazy Euphy. He took his seat, initially seated on the other end of the couch. She responded by leaving the room, then returning with a pillow and blanket. "Can I?" she said, and he nodded. Then she lay down on the couch, putting a pillow on Suzaku's lap so she could rest her head. "Thank you."

It almost sounded sincere.

They watched the movie in silence. Periodically, Suzaku would check her eyes, but they had the same red tinge. What was he doing wrong? Then he remembered: she had tried to kill him, and he told her off. Well, that happened a lot. But then he had pulled her in after she'd gotten cold. That had drawn her out. He swallowed and hoped this would work. If not, that Euphy would forgive him.

"Euphy, are you cold?" Suzaku said.

"I'm always cold," Euphy replied.

"Well, I am too," Suzaku said.

"Ok."

Well, that sounded better in his head. "What I'm saying is, um, can I share your blanket?" Suzaku said.

"I thought you don't want anything to do with me," Euphy said.

"At the end of the day, Euphy, I'm still your boyfriend," Suzaku said.

Euphy seemed to ponder this, then she nodded. She straightened up and then they shared their blanket. Of course, she seemed to understand his real goal, as she snuggled up against him and Suzaku put an arm around her shoulder. She closed her eyes and, for once, a genuine-looking smile appeared.

By the end of the movie, she had fallen asleep. Suzaku wanted to follow her example, but he knew it was too dangerous. Then she opened her eyes ever-so-slightly and looked at Suzaku. "You can sleep too, Suzaku," Euphy said. Her voice had lost its cheerfulness. "I promise I won't bite."

"My lady, is that you?" Suzaku said excitedly.

Euphy blinked and then opened her eyes wider. The red tinge was gone. "Yeah," she said, "I'm… I mean what I said, Suzaku. I'm sorry for trying to kill you."

Suzaku responded by giving her a crushing hug. "I don't care," he said, "as long as you're ok."

"Yeah…"

He broke the hug off, and Euphy smiled at him. It was her real smile now, the same once-infectious one. "You know, Euphy, there  _is_ something you can do to make it up to me," Suzaku said.

Euphy smiled, put her hands behind Suzaku's head, and closed her eyes. He leaned in…

It was the happiest day he'd had since the massacre. Euphy had full control, or at least mostly full-control. She was much more somber, and either she didn't remember or wouldn't tell him what happened between her and Lelouch, because Suzaku wouldn't promise to forgive him. Other than that, Suzaku switched his goal to making her happy. Besides making out (which they greatly enjoyed), they played chess against each other, cooked dinner together, watched another movie, and eventually wound up on her bed. Of course, nothing happened, but it was fun to just sit there, his head in her lap, talking about nothing. He was careful to not tell her where they were, but she seemed careful to avoid the question.

"So Nunnally's taken Cornelia's place," Euphy mused as she played with Suzaku's hair, "that's interesting."

"Yeah," Suzaku said. "She's going to copy your zone idea."

"I guess it will turn out better this time," Euphy said. Suzaku nodded. "I'm happy."

"But the Japanese won't trust her," Suzaku said.

"…when I'm back to normal, let's run away to Japan together," Euphy said. "So I can apologize to everyone."

"Run away together, my lady?" Suzaku said.

Euphy smiled and took his hand. "Suzaku, you're my knight. I need someone to protect me, do I not?"

"Yes, my lady," Suzaku replied. He intertwined his fingers with hers. "Euphy, after you're back to normal, would you want to… to…"

"To marry you?" Euphy said.

Suzaku's heart skipped a beat. That was where he'd been going but hadn't known how to say it. "Um, yes," Suzaku said, looking away from her. "I-I've devoted my life to you, and I can't think-"

Euphy extricated herself from Suzaku and then sat up on her bed. "Well, Sir Kururugi, isn't there something you normally do when proposing?" she said.

"I- oh, yes," Suzaku said, quickly getting off her bed and then getting down on one knee. "I, um, don't have a ring-"

"Well, I accept anyways," Euphy said. She pulled him to his feet and then pulled him onto her bed. She put her arms around him and pulled him close. Suzaku reddened a little and almost pulled away, but stopped when she whispered, "it's so exhausting. If it weren't for you, well, I'd just find a way to move on." He noticed she was trembling. "Please… don't let me go…"

Suzaku returned her hug and kissed her. Eventually he broke away and said, "Euphy, I told you before. I'll never abandon you."

"Good. It's so nice, being with you," she said, closing her eyes, "I think I need to go to sleep again. Good night… Suzaku…"

* * *

Euphemia woke up happy. It was the happiest she'd felt in a long time. When her door opened and Dr. Westinghouse came in, Euphemia was humming as she brushed her hair.

"You seem in a good mood, princess," Westinghouse commented.

"Yeah," Euphemia said, "but I don't think it's all me today."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, last night, the pain was gone," Euphemia said. "I didn't want to kill the Japanese anymore."

"That's wonderful!" Westinghouse said.

"And…" Euphemia blushed and looked down. "Um… we…"

"You didn't do anything, did you, Princess?" Westinghouse said, "if you did, I have some pills-"

Euphemia blushed more. "Um, no, we didn't do anything," she said, "no, it's just, um, the Japanese guy-"

"Sir Kururugi."

"Yeah, he and I… um, we're going to get married I guess," Euphemia said.

"You… you guess?" Westinghouse said.

Euphemia turned to face Westinghouse, and then looked away again. "He only loves me when I don't want to kill the Japanese," Euphemia said. "He… he thinks we're different."

"I don't think that's unreasonable," Westinghouse said. "After all, he's Japanese. You would kill him during the honeymoon in your current state."

"I… I know," Euphemia said.

"Still, though, did you clear this with your father?" Westinghouse said.

Euphemia shook her head. "Please don't tell him," she added, "I don't want that guy to be in danger!"

Westinghouse smiled. "That's ok, I had no intention of telling him myself."

Euphemia thanked her and went back to brushing her hair. It was starting to look like it once had. "Still, I'm happy," Euphemia said. "I want to kill him, but I also want to love him. I don't get it."

Westinghouse gave her a soft smile and said, "with luck, it won't be long before it's just love him, right?"

Euphemia thought for a second, then nodded. "I'd like that."


	3. Chapter 3

Suzaku wished he had a good way of getting the real Euphy – his fiancée now, he supposed – out. Since Fake Euphy had no problems remembering what her real self had done, Suzaku had received an incredulous call the next day from Dr. Eberhardt about him marrying a royal without asking permission. Suzaku had just told him to keep it quiet. When he next visited Euphy, she tried to use the engagement against him as leverage to get her freedom, but Suzaku just ignored her threats. Only the real Euphy's opinion mattered, and she certainly wasn't the one making the threats.

Only occasionally could he get the real Euphy out, and each time she seemed more tired than before. Events in the real world were advancing quickly; Zero had arranged for his own self-exile now, and then had left with a million Japanese disguised as himself. Suzaku had stopped a second massacre, despite the pressure from the Britannians: even beside the fact that it would break Nunnally's heart, he could also see in his mind the first massacre, his princess covered in his countrymen's blood as she was forced to do unthinkable – and then, the broken woman who tried to kill him half the time.

And she was trying. He and the doctors were still adapting to crazy Euphy. Butter knives and forks were banned. She no longer had access to brooms. She was locked in her bathroom or restrained by Suzaku while laundry was collected. Suzaku quickly learned he couldn't trust anything she made, because she might have tried to poison it with too much salt or something. She didn't have anything that could kill him, of course, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.

Then there was the problem that fake Euphy was all too willing to try and get physical to accomplish her ends. Suzaku had to get very good at averting his eyes or sternly telling fake Euphy to keep her clothes on. Fortunately, she learned quickly that he wasn't willing to let her use her body to control him. "I guess you just need the old me to do that," she huffed the last time she tried it. Still, though, it was another jab to Euphy's memory, and another stoke of Suzaku's hatred of Zero, that she was so reduced to  _this_.

He decided to pay one more trip to Euphy before heading out to China for Odysseus' marriage to the Chinese empress. The eunuchs were going to become Britannian nobility, and the two empires would be wed; Suzaku was going to be there to ensure order since Zero probably would not want his new exiled nation to be handed over to Britannia on a silver platter.

His day with Euphy was as excruciating as usual. His skin crawled when he tried to coax normal Euphy out by flirting with her brainwashed self, and her brainwashed self could see through it and kept ignoring him or accusing him of insincerity.

"Why are you bothering me anyways, Suzaku?" Euphy finally said towards the end of the day, looking up from her book on chess, "if you won't love me and help me, then why should I listen to you?"

"It's  _because_ I love you that I treat you this way!" Suzaku said. "Why don't you get that!?"

Euphy just glared at him. "You keep me locked up and strong-arm me constantly. You act like I'm scum on your shoe. You're  _more_  than willing to hurt me to get your way," she spat, "how is that  _love_?"

"I stop you from hurting me or others!" Suzaku shouted at her.

"What, so you can go kill them yourself!?" Euphy screamed back. "You're a traitor! You're a traitor to the Japanese! At least I'm honest!"

"And you don't want to kill the Japanese!" Suzaku shouted, "why don't you get that YOU'RE NOT REAL!?"

"And I'm just as real as YOU!" Euphy snarled.

"You're under geass!" Suzaku yelled.

"And geass doesn't make me  _hate_ you!" Euphy yelled back.

Suzaku stood up and towered over her, and she simply glared back at him. And then he slapped her – hard, hard enough that she tumbled to the floor – and then recoiled as he realized what he'd done. Slowly, Euphy sat up and felt the still-red place on her face where he'd hit her.

"Oh, God," Suzaku said, backing away, "I'm so sorry, Euphy…"

"If you're sorry, you'll bring me to Japan," Euphy spat, fixing a furious look on him.

But Suzaku turned and ran away from her, and then slammed the door shut to her apartment and locked it. Then he sank against the door. He was shaking again. Euphy's words were sinking in. She was right. He  _was_ controlling her and ruling over her life with an iron fist. What better proof was there? He had just hit her… hurt her.

And that, above all else, was what frightened him. He adored Euphy. She was easily the most important thing in his entire life. His devotion to her was the only reason he kept coming back to spend time with a genocidal maniac. But now how would the real Euphy feel about him attacking her, even if it was her crazy self? What if… if the resentment bled over? He didn't know if what she said about geass was true. There were only a few people who might know, and he didn't know where VV was. That left one person…

Dr. Eberhardt arrived fifteen minutes later to find Suzaku. "Did… something happen?" he said.

"I… I hurt her," Suzaku replied quietly.

"Did she try and kill you again?" Eberhardt said.

Suzaku shook his head. "We argued," he said.

Eberhardt frowned. "Is she alright?" he said.

Suzaku didn't respond. He didn't know. She looked fine, but… "Eberhardt," Suzaku moaned, looking at the floor and pulling his legs close to himself, "what if I hurt her again? What if I start using her to get rid of my stress? What if-"

"Go apologize, sincerely," Eberhardt said. "That's the best way to stop this now, alright?" Suzaku nodded and stood up. "And Sir Kururugi, don't think you're too far gone. You can change, just like she can. I've been impressed with your dedication. Don't give it all up now."

"Thanks," Suzaku said. Eberhardt took a step back and nodded to the door, and then raised his eyebrows at Suzaku – a tacit 'should I go in?'. "I'll… talk to her myself. And… call me Suzaku."

Eberhardt smiled. "Then if you don't mind, call me Max," Eberhardt said. "Good luck."

Suzaku opened the door. The lights were now off – Euphy must have turned them all off. He shut the door and then began looking around for Euphy. She wasn't in the kitchen, although a half-eaten sandwich was on the table. She wasn't in the library. The guest bathroom was open, and the laundry room was locked as usual. That left just her bedroom.

Suzaku knocked on her door, but no one answered. "My lady," Suzaku said, "I'm… coming in…"

He opened the door and found the lights were off too. In the dimness, he could see Euphy up against her bed, kneeling on the floor with her head resting on the bed. Her hands were clenching her blankets. Suzaku quietly closed the door and walked over towards Euphy.

"My lady," Suzaku said, sinking to kneel next to her, "I'm… I'm very sorry and I-" his voice caught for a second, "-I realize I've been acting horribly and-"

And then for a second, he thought she was attacking him again, before realizing that she was hugging him tightly. He didn't say anything else as he felt her tears start wetting his shoulder. Then he closed his eyes, returned the hug, and let himself cry – cry at his own weakness, at his own failures, and at his own awfulness.

After a few minutes, she broke away and looked him in the eyes. Her eyes still had the red tinge that he could faintly see in the dim light, but there was still something… different about them. "Suzaku," she said quietly, "you're Japanese. I want to kill you. But… I've been awful to you. Even though you're Japanese, and even though you say I'm not me… I still love you. But… I also hate you, because you hate me."

Suzaku looked down, away from her eyes. "Euphy, I've been really focused on seeing you as two different people," he said, "but… I don't know if that's really true. Maybe I've been wrong…"

"No," Euphy said, taking his hand, "I guess, in a way, me-me is different from the other me that comes out sometimes. I think, maybe, we're the same kind of person deep down…"

"Just to people who aren't Japanese," Suzaku said. Euphy nodded. He looked back into her eyes and said, "but you understand, right? I… I want you to not want to kill the Japanese."

Euphy smiled sadly at him. "Suzaku," she said softly, "have you ever wondered why I just sit in the library?"

"Why?"

"Because I feel terrible," Euphy said. "I kill all the Japanese… because I have to."

Suzaku stared at her for a second, and slowly something clicked into place. When he had, after she had first woken up, decided to let her stay in her genocidal mode. "You…"

"I remember every bullet I shot," Euphy said, "every drop of blood that landed on me. I know that I'm Zero's worst mistake, and that destroys me." Then her nails began digging into Suzaku's hand, if for just a second, before relaxing. "But… I feel compelled. I  _have_ to kill the Japanese. Sometimes it's really strong. You make it strong, because you're Japanese. But when you're not here… I just remember. And it hurts."

Suzaku was silent for a second, and then said, "what do you mean by Zero's worst mistake?" he said.

Euphy shook her head. "I don't remember very well," she said, "but I do remember that… that 'I' was never supposed to happen." She looked into Suzaku's eyes as the red fringe disappeared. "I was supposed to make the SAZ with Zero," Euphy said, "with my brother. Then we could all be happy – you, me, Lelouch, Nunnally – but something went wrong. I… don't know what it was. But something went wrong."

"Lelouch tried to make you into a weapon!" Suzaku said instantly.

But Euphy shook her head. "I don't think he meant to," Euphy said, "but I… you need to talk to him instead. Not me. Until you can forgive him like I have… I don't want to tell you what happened."

"Don't you trust me!?" Suzaku demanded.

"Usually," Euphy replied, "but I don't want you to hurt Lelouch. No matter what… he is my brother."

Suzaku wasn't able to spend much more time with her afterwards and left to find that Dr. Westinghouse had arrived too. "I'll go tend to her," Westinghouse said, and she went in.

"How'd it go?" Eberhardt said.

"Good," Suzaku said. He put his cape back on and looked over at the elevators. "I think… I've got to ask someone something in China."

"Oh, are you going too?" Eberhardt said.

"Too?" Suzaku said.

Eberhardt nodded. "I've got some old medical buddies. Julie's covering my shifts," he said, nodding at Euphy's apartment. "I should be back in a couple days."

Suzaku nodded. "Alright, Max," Suzaku said, "good night."

"Good night, Suzaku."

* * *

The wedding reception for Odysseus was a nightmare, from start to finish. One of the biggest problems was that Suzaku needed to talk to Zero to get answers on geass, but every second around him made his skin crawl. What was worse was Nina. "You were her knight!" Nina shrieked at Suzaku as Kallen disarmed her, and Suzaku could do nothing but grimace and bear it. He knew that Nina was obsessed with Euphy (which, to be honest, annoyed him) but he knew he could say nothing about it. Schneizel ended his chess game with Zero inconclusively, and it looked like tensions were finally starting to dissipate.

And then Eberhardt appeared out of the crowd. "Ah, imagine meeting you here," Eberhardt said, nodding to Suzaku, and then he turned and did a short bow to Schneizel. "And the Prime Minister."

"Dr. Eberhardt," Schneizel said, nodding to him. Zero looked over at Eberhardt, and Schneizel said, "this is Zero, the famed terrorist. Zero, Dr. Eberhardt, Dr. Eberhardt, Zero."

"A pleasure to meet you," Eberhardt said, giving Zero a waxen-looking smile but shaking his hand nonetheless.

"Did Kanon speak with you earlier?" Schneizel said, glancing at Eberhardt.

Eberhardt turned his smile to Schneizel. "As you will it, my lord, everything will be ready," Eberhardt said. He turned to Suzaku and said, "by the way, Julie called me and asked me to tell you that everything is in order."

"Good," Suzaku said. Zero was now looking over at him. "That should be all, Max."

"Of course," Eberhardt said, but instead of leaving he turned back to Zero. "Now if you don't mind me asking you something, Zero."

"Ask away," Zero replied.

"Are you the same one as the one from the so-called Black Rebellion?" Eberhardt said, folding his arms.

Zero was quiet – and so, too, were Kallen, Nina, Kaguya, Gino, and Schneizel. "I cannot answer your question," Zero said.

"Unfortunate," Eberhardt said, shrugging. "Well, perhaps we will meet again someday."

And then he turned around and left. "A clumsy attempt to figure out my past? You're slacking, Schneizel," Zero said brusquely.

"That wasn't my order to do that," Schneizel said calmly.

The door to the room opened and Milly came in. "Oh, guys," she said, "this is where you went!"

Schneizel had sternly warned Zero to not come to the wedding and then left with Kanon to tend to some business. Max followed them out. And Suzaku finally had his chance to speak to Zero when Zero stepped outside.

He walked up to him and pressed the barrel of his gun against Zero's back. "Zero," he said quietly, "I'm only going to ask you this once. Is there a way to remove geass?"

Zero said nothing.

The door to the balcony opened and Kallen came out. "Ze- Suzaku!" Kallen said, "Schneizel said-"

"Tell me, Zero," Suzaku said.

Zero glanced at him. "What is geass?" Zero said.

Suzaku's heart sank, and he put his gun down. "Don't harass his majesty tomorrow, Zero. This was agreed to by the Chinese empress too," Suzaku said, and he walked away as Kallen ran up to Zero. He only barely noted Max passing him again, headed towards the balcony.

* * *

Over the next few days, Suzaku had to put the incident with Eberhardt and Zero out of his head. Zero interfered with the wedding, of course. The Chinese captured Kallen and shipped her back to Japan on Suzaku's request, and then Zero unleashed a revolution in China. In hours, everything fell apart completely. Suzaku, Gino, and Anya all returned to Japan while Schneizel and Nina left for Cambodia.

A little while later, Suzaku decided to skip out on Milly's graduation event in favor of helping out the doctors with Euphy. He still called Milly to wish her a happy graduation, and then set to work helping deep-clean Euphy's apartment. She was noticeably more subdued, although the red fringe was still there.

Afterwards he heard about the near-riot at the school and that Lelouch and Shirley were now a couple per the iron law of Milly. Good for them, he supposed. Part of him hoped that Zero  _wasn't_ Lelouch. Then they would both be far happier.

He had then gone to a meeting with Nunnally and overseen Kallen's transferal into a new cell. Luciano Bradley had arrived and was harassing her, and Gino had almost gotten into a fight with him over it, so Suzaku figured it was better to move cells and not tell Bradley for now. He gave strict orders that Kallen was not to be tortured. He wasn't sure if Nunnally's head advisor Lohmeyer had ever passed on that order from Nunnally.

And then he went to visit Euphy again.

He found her watching a movie on the American Rebellion. "Have you ever thought, Suzaku," she said when she noticed him, "that the rebels were like Lelouch and his Black Knights?"

"The rebels tried to change Britannia the wrong way," Suzaku replied, sitting next to her and putting his arm around her. He had seen the red fringe on her eyes, but he didn't care. It was more important to show her he loved her. "Same with the Black Knights."

"I don't know," Euphy said as George Washington surrendered to Lord Cornwallis in the movie. "They were fighting oppression, and that oppression stayed. A lot of the revolutionaries were forced into slavery after we fled the homeland. Britannia changed for the worse." She paused and said, "it's a tragedy."

"If you say so," Suzaku said. "No point on worrying what happened back then, though, Euphy."

"…yeah," Euphy said.

They spent the rest of the night cuddling and watching movies. This time, even when the red fringe dissipated, Euphy didn't act any different. He was glad. They  _were_ still the same person, and he wasn't going to reject her for something she couldn't control again.

"Euphemia," Suzaku said before he left that night, turning to face her, "thank you."

Euphy smiled and said, "usually you don't call me 'Euphemia'. What's up?" She sounded like normal, despite the red fringe on her eyes.

"I don't know," Suzaku said, "I just wanted to be a little more formal. Like we used to be."

Euphy giggled. "Ok, Suzaku," she said, and she kissed him. They broke away after a second and Euphy added, "or is that Sir Kururugi?"

Suzaku laughed. "Whatever you want, my lady," he said. "Good night."

"Good night."

After this, he spent another week tending to his duties. Days were blurring together. Interrogating Kallen was useless. Euphy was subdued, though still geass'd. She was reading more books lately. And still Suzaku needed to determine if Zero had known something, or if he was honestly clueless. For now, though… Suzaku would survive.

* * *

Euphemia was reading a book about the American Rebellion. She'd gotten Suzaku to give her more advanced books, since there was nothing else she could do. "The most famous leader of the rebellion was George Washington," she narrated to herself as she wrote down in her notebook. She wasn't hiding her notebooks anymore like she used to. She wasn't afraid anymore that they would take them too. "He lead the armies against Britannia-"

Her eyesight went orange for just a second, and then Euphy was left looking down at her book again. What felt like an awful, searing pain in her mind was suddenly… gone, as if she'd never noticed it. Euphy stood up quickly and felt her hands and arms. She felt cold suddenly. She felt her face. It, too, was cold.

Euphy ran out of the room and into the bathroom and threw the light on. Her normal, purple eyes looked back. They were duller than she remembered – but so was her hair. Her skin was more pallid than she remembered. She smiled just a little. The last time she'd been able to look at herself normally, without intense pangs of mania or guilt, she had been with Suzaku. Around him she'd never looked in the mirror. She'd never needed to. She felt her hair and noted that it was shorter than it used to be- to stop herself from using it as a weapon or something, she remembered.

She closed her eyes and then opened them again. Still purple. She took her glasses off, and besides blurrier eyesight, everything still seemed normal.

She… she was normal again. "Suzaku," she said, "I'm… I'm  _me_."

And then she laughed. Suzaku wasn't here right now, she knew that! He always spent time with her, even when she had been crazy! He was so wonderful… and so lost. So lost without her.

"Don't worry, Suzaku," Euphy said, "I'm going to make things right."

Euphy went back to her room and quickly showered and changed into street clothes. She tucked what was left of her once-long hair into her hat and made sure even her glasses were different. With luck, no one would know her.

And then she tried the door outside… and it was locked.

Oh yeah.

So she had to wait. She tried making food for herself, but with only spoons it was a little hard. She perked up when the door opened – but it was only Eberhardt.

"Oh, hello, doctor," Euphy said brightly.

"Ah, Miss Euphemia," Eberhardt said, "you're wearing something new today."

"Of course," Euphy said, "I want to go help Suzaku, but if I go outside people might realize I'm still alive. That might… cause problems."

"Well, yes," Eberhardt said. He shifted his foot on the ground and said, "your acting is better than ever."

"Hm? Oh, I'm not acting," Euphy said. "I'm me again."

"Pardon?"

"I… don't want to kill Japanese anymore," Euphy said. For a second the vague memories of killing returned, and bile rose in her throat, but she shook her head. "I don't know what happened, but it's gone. The urge to kill."

"That would be fantastic, but this is the third time you've tried this," Eberhardt said dryly.

"No, it's really the case!" Euphy said. "Please believe me, Dr. Eberhardt!"

Eberhardt crossed his arms. "I'm afraid I can't, Miss Euphemia," Eberhardt replied. "There's no way to prove that you've changed."

"Isn't there, though?" Euphy said, and she pulled her glasses off. She looked him in the eyes, and then she could make out that Eberhardt took a step back.

"It can't be…" he said, "the red is gone…"

Euphy put her glasses back on and looked at Eberhardt pleadingly. "Well," she said, "do you-"

Eberhardt very slowly nodded. "I… know that the sign of your 'condition' is the red-fringed eyes," Eberhardt said. He looked behind himself and then beckoned for her to follow him. They walked over to the entrance and Eberhardt said, extremely quietly, "this is good timing. Looks like the plan will change a little. Attack me, take my key, and run away."

"Why?" Euphy whispered back.

"Because you will be killed in an hour if you're still here," Eberhardt said. He crouched down to begin untying his shoes. "Hurry. Please."

Euphy nodded, as little as she could, and then, mustering up her courage, charged into Eberhardt. After a second or two, he dropped his key and hit the ground. "Hey!" he barked, "don't-"

But Euphy grabbed the key, threw the door open, and ran outside. She rushed down an unguarded stairwell and was grabbed by Dr. Westinghouse on the third floor. Up above there was a door slamming, and then more running. "This way," Westinghouse hissed.

Westinghouse lead Euphy into a small hallway looking over an alleyway through a small window. Eberhardt arrived after a second. "Your eyes," Westinghouse said.

"I'm normal again," Euphy replied.

Westinghouse frowned, but Eberhardt nodded. "This works out if she's lying or not," Eberhardt said, "we just won't give her a weapon."

"Alright," Westinghouse said. She turned to Euphy and grabbed her hands. "Princess, did Max tell you-"

"Assassins sent by Schneizel," Eberhardt said, "you overpowered me and escaped, got it?"

"Yes," Euphy said.

"As soon as you run out of here, we'll be joining the manhunt for you," Westinghouse said, "fortunately, we only need to call Sir Kururugi, but you need to keep your head down."

"Alright," Euphy said.

"Be safe," Eberhardt said, "good luck."

"Don't attack anyone," Westinghouse said, "or, well, you'll be killed out there."

"I understand," Euphy said.

The doctors left her, and Euphy began running down the stairs again. She noted that the cameras were all dead, and she guessed that if the doctors were telling the truth, then that was probably to hide the assassins' identity. She quickly ran out onto the street…

And wanted to strangle Suzaku. Not to kill him, of course, but to punish him for the sheer  _stupidity_ of bringing her genocidal self to  _Japan_.

But that meant there was hopefully  _one_ other safe place. There was no way Suzaku knew about the murderers – and while she had a hard time believing Schneizel would try and kill her, for now she had to trust the doctors – there was one other place where she would be safe for now.

She waited until the evening to make her move. She avoided police and hid out in alleyways. She even avoided the Lancelot when it appeared, taking a little course around the city. She hated to make Suzaku worry, but she had no choice…

By the time it was dark enough, Euphy made her way to Ashford Academy. Suzaku had let slip that Zero was alive, so hopefully Lelouch was still here. She knew what he did to her, but she knew it wasn't what he intended…

She moved up to his small mansion and noticed lights on inside the dining room. Good, he was probably having dinner with Nunnally. Euphy pulled her hat low and knocked on the door, hoping against all hope that Suzaku would be there too and she could convince him to hide her away until they knew if the doctors were telling the truth-

The door opened, and a brown-haired, purple-eyed boy Euphy had never seen before answered the door. "Who are you?" the boy said.

"Um, a friend of Lelouch's," Euphy said. "Is he… here?"

"Oh, big brother?" the boy said, "I'll go get him."

The boy was gone for a second, and then Lelouch walked over. And froze when he saw her. "What?" Lelouch said, looking completely stunned.

"Is my disguise that bad?" Euphy said innocently.

The boy returned. "Who's this, big brother?" he said.

"My… not now, Rolo," Lelouch said, shaking his head. He looked past Euphy and then nodded. "Please, quickly, come in."

Once Euphy was inside, Lelouch shut the door. "Who's this?" Euphy said, stepping out of her shoes.

"Rolo, my brother," Lelouch said stiffly.

"Oh. So Nunnally has two brothers now?" Euphy said.

Rolo looked at Euphy with a flash of  _something_ in his eyes, but Lelouch just nodded. "Nunnally… hasn't gotten to meet him," Lelouch said. "Officially… I shouldn't even know who you are. But either you're a ghost-"

"I've been under the curse of geass until today," Euphy said, walking further inside. "Um, kept in a prison apartment by two doctors and Suzaku so I wouldn't go kill people."

"Why are you in Japan, though?" Lelouch said. He laughed and said, "and how are you alive?"

"One of my doctors saved my life on the  _Avalon_ ," Euphy replied. "And, well, uh, Suzaku brought me here. I didn't know until today either though."

"Does Suzaku know you're here?" Lelouch said.

Euphy shook her head. "The doctors let me go free," she said.

"Excellent," Lelouch said. "I'll go prepare a room for you to use."

Lelouch left, and Euphy was left with Rolo. "So, when do you want to meet Nunnally?" Euphy asked him.

"I'm not worried about it," Rolo said.

Euphy frowned. Something was very odd about Rolo – besides that she had no idea when Lelouch got a brother that she didn't know. "She's a very sweet girl," Euphy said. She glanced over at where Lelouch had gone and then back at Rolo. "To tell the truth, Lelouch has always been my favorite brother too, even despite some of the bad stuff that's happened. But if you're his brother, then I guess that makes you my brother too."

Rolo blinked, and then nodded. "Um, thank you," Rolo said.

"Euphy, this way," Lelouch said, and Euphy left Rolo contemplating something in the hallway.

They entered what looked like an old guest room. "Lelouch," Euphy said, "I hope you don't mind-"

"Euphy, if there's anything you need I'll get it," Lelouch replied. He laughed again and said, "you have no idea how happy I am that you're alive. That for once – just  _once_ – there was a happy accident."

"Lelouch, just to be clear," Euphy said as she sat on the bed, "you… didn't mean to brainwash me, did you?"

"No," Lelouch said. "I really was going to work with you. Now, we've exiled the Black Knights so we can't bother Nunnally when she's implementing your old plan."

Euphy smiled. "I'm glad," she said. Then she laid back on the bed and said, "I wish Suzaku would forgive you."

"I destroyed your life," Lelouch replied. "Can you blame him for hating me?"

Euphy looked away from Lelouch. He was right. He  _had_ destroyed her life. She could never go outside… "What if I apologized?" Euphy said, looking up.

"It won't matter," Lelouch said. "Even if I went out, revealed myself, and told the true story of what happened… no one would believe me."

"…but I don't want everyone to hate me," Euphy said, "or Suzaku…"

"Why would they hate Suzaku?"

"We decided to get married once I was normal again," Euphy said. She laughed and said, "although we didn't think it'd be so soon! I'll probably wait until I'm at least 18."

Lelouch gave her a smile – a very weak one, but a smile nonetheless. "That… that would be good," Lelouch said.

Euphy nodded, and then yawned. "If anyone asks, I'm not here," she said, "and if Suzaku asks, then let me talk to him directly."

Lelouch nodded. "Good night, Euphy," Lelouch said.

"Good night… Lelouch."

Euphy smiled as she fell asleep.

The pain was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As you might be able to tell, this story isn't done, but I felt like the other part of the story was a genre shift and, thus, mandates its own story. Plus the point-of-view moves from just Euphy and Suzaku to other characters as well like Lelouch. So I hope you'll join me for that story when I start posting it - but for now, again, thanks for reading!


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